Thursday, 12 January 2012

3 Ill-Advised Ways To Make Your Wedding Memorable


We all want our wedding to be memorable. There are many ways to achieve such an outcome. Some are good. Some… not so much. Like the difference between famous and infamous. Here are three ways I recently witnessed in a wedding my family will never forget… 
  1. Reading from Hell - Have your new mother-in-law do a reading at the service about how a wife should be obedient to her husband and the husband should respect his wife even though she is a the weaker partner. If you are the bride, I don’t expect your husband will be getting lucky any time soon. In the instance I witnessed, it was the groom’s mother-in-law. Her reading, while delivered in a completely reasonable tone, was accompanied by a stern look threatening to rain hellfire and brimstone on any woman who was not an obedient wife.

    This is a sure way to have at least one side of the church punctuated by exclamations of ‘What the - !’ and ‘Did she really say that?’ as you take your vows. Ah, sweet memories.

  2. Live Music - You would think it would be difficult to take the cake from the fire and brimstone reading, but no… Have your mother-in-law sing at your wedding service! Of course, if your mother-in-law is someone as talented as, say, Beyoncé, this may make a fantastic impression. Alas, in this case the mother-in-law was untalented and painfully unschooled. I am sure there wasn’t even a whisker of karaoke experience there. Coupled with what appeared to be a complete lack of preparation or rehearsal. Shania Twain, forgive us, it was a truly awful rendition of ‘From This Moment’.y family being what it is, though, my aunt has now fervently promised her son she will be performing at his wedding. I suggested a little rehearsal might be in order, to which the response was an airy dismissal and the assertion ‘Who needs practice? I’m tone-deaf, too, but that doesn’t matter!’ Another unforgettable moment.
     
  3. Speeches - Don’t forget to add the icing to the cake by having your mother-in-law do a speech at your wedding reception. This speech should be filled with stern marital advice and concluded by your father-in-law hoping for more grandchildren, at which point your mother-in-law must seize the microphone and shout ‘NOT YET!’. Your father-in-law will add the finishing touches to your mortification by advising the guests it is now permitted for you and your new spouse to have sex.
This was undeniably an unforgettable wedding. I confess I wanted an unforgettable wedding. However, I think few of us want their wedding to be the butt of family jokes from their wedding day into eternity. 

If you want an unforgettable wedding, have the bride wear red. It’s far less embarrassing. And if anything like the above happens, it’s possible the guests won’t notice the red in your face for the red in her dress. 

10 comments:

Raine Thomas said...

I'll bet you knew that--as a wedding planner--I had to chime in here, right, Ciara? lol I'm going on record saying that the biggest challenge for any bride is usually dealing with family. That probably sounds oxymoronic, since a wedding is about the blending of two lives and families, but it's true. In most cases, the bride wears down and just accepts that her family is going to dictate the flow of the day. It's unfortunate, as it should be the family who bends to the wishes of the happy couple. It sounds to me like the bride(s) in the above scenarios decided it just wasn't worth stressing over...which often leads to the most "memorable" outcome!

Erica Lucke Dean said...

The moral of the story is...do NOT invite your mother-in-law to your wedding! Or, at the very least, bar her from speaking...drinking...and/or singing. Good advice for all!

Ciara Ballintyne said...

Ah, wouldn't that be nice?

Ciara Ballintyne said...

I'm either lucky or an indomitable force of nature LOL. I've had two weddings - my way! Right down to the littlest details. Neither mother-in-law attempted to interfere. I did take care to make them feel included without changing anything I wanted though - maybe that's the trick!

D.C. said...

Two words. E and lope.

Lisa said...

This was all at ONE wedding? That's when you want to sink into the floor and never be brought up for air.

Ciara Ballintyne said...

Yep, one wedding. It was enough to make me want to sink into the floor just witnessing it!

Ciara Ballintyne said...

Definitely called for. I think part of the problem in this case for the in-laws was the fact the bride had a baby before the wedding.

Kimber Vale said...

Viva Las Vegas indeed. Mine was memorable because Elvis officiated, not because of horrible family members. That bride is a saint for not stabbing her MIL with the heel of her shoe.

Ciara Ballintyne said...

It was the bride's mother! I'm not sure, but I think that might be worse.... Yours sounds like a 'good' kind of memorable, even if it was a little quirky. I had to resist the tempation to stab this mother-of-the-bride with the heel of MY shoe!

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